Saltwater Room has been on repeat since 11am. It is now 1pm. How much longer will I be listening to it? Probably till the end of the work day. Hurry up 4pm, you’re making the office suffer!
When I was in Ithaca visiting Carlos, we went on a late night walk around Cornell and he took me up this hill that overlooked the tiny town. It was like 50 out and dark, the kind of dark blue night where you can see your breath and all the stars and we sat there on that hill, I adoring the natural splendor of trees, gorges, a few streetlamps and the quiet of no one around but us; Carlos made stupid jokes, as always and we both terribly pined for a jay which is also nothing new. I think that hilltop has made it on my list of Top Places I Wish I Could Teleport To Anytime but, I’d only visit in the dead of night accompanied by him since it probably isn’t as lovely in the daytime with people walking about and I’m too scared to be outside, alone and in the dark. Also, next time I’m bringing my iPod and listening to this song on repeat for as long as possible.
I am super congested and being tormented relentlessly by sneezing fits for the past few days and it totally sucks. I don’t understand. I don’t even have fall/winter allergies! What is going on?!?!?! ::sadface::
TGIF though! This weekend will be super duper mega ultra awesome fun, I just know it.
“I want my readers to laugh sometimes. Many readers in Japan read my books on the train while commuting. The average salaryman spends two hours a day commuting and he spends those hours reading. That’s why my big books are printed in two volumes: They would be too heavy in one. Some people write me letters, complaining that they laugh when they read my books on the train! It’s very embarrassing for them. Those are the letters I like the most.”—
One of my best friends—I was her freaking Maid of Honor—just told me she cannot go “traveling”—a weekend getaway to Chicago to visit one of my cousins—with me because her husband won’t let her go anywhere without him although he is going to Saudi Arabia and Brazil for one to two weeks, respectively in December. Unbelievable. THIS is the kind of shit that makes unmarried friends really annoyed with their married friends.
The dad—his name is George—of the two kids I tutor/babysit just called me to tell me his ETA (he’s running late from a meeting anddd he works in SA so it will be a while) and to discuss his son’s intolerable behavior which is starting to drive me bananas. George just used the word obstinate and I found that terribly attractive and sexy. Gawd, I am SUCH a freaking nerd.
Zach Zach and I talk on AIM everyday (M-F) during work. We play games and today’s was quite fun. (And yes, I grammatically corrected our conversation because such mistakes are an eye sore and drive me absolutely mad because I’m neurotic like that.)
Zach: I’ve been waiting for you my entire life, Lina. Me: No, you’ve just been waiting this entire day*, silly. Ugh, I’m fking retarded. Zach: I disagree. I don’t think you are retarded. Me: Awww Zach: I think you are smart, funny… and beautiful. Me: Awwwwwww Zach: hahaha Me: Shut up Zach: Why are you shut upping me? You can’t shut away your feelings forever. Me: Oh, Zachhh! You’re making me blush… at work! Zach: Good! Well, I have a mtg in 8 minutes. Me: Awww, don’t go! I like this game!
Zach: My boss wasn’t there. Me: Uh oh. What were you supposed to be having a meeting about? Zach: My objectives. Me: And what are your objectives? Zach: Ummm, I don’t feel like typing them and they may not make any sense to you because they are specific stuff I do. I dunno. Let’s talk about something besides awesome work. Me: Okay, let’s talk about awesome ME! You’re good at that.
*I didn’t get to the office/on AIM till 2pmish today.
And yes, all my days at the office are spent having conversations very similar to this one. Oh, the office.
time together isn’t ever quite enough when you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home what will it take to make or break this hint of love? we need time, only time when we’re apart, whatever are you thinking of? if this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone? so tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love? all the time, all the time
Tonight, I’m putting together a Halloween care package for Carlos. It will consist of some prettily illustrated index cards (oh! haii Carlos! hole-y sheet, it’s Hallo-scream! here are some sweets for my sweet! lumu, Lina), his favorites candies (Snickers) and some Tiff’s Treats (I will be picking up tmrw).
Pictures of said awesome Halloween care package to be posted later.
PS. This is a part of my ever so clever plot to win Carlos over. You see, despite us being close friends, he is still very very very careful around me. He hates being vulnerable, he acts impenetrably childish and immature; he absolutely will not let me in. It’s frustrating. He keeps everyone—especially girls—at arm’s length and though he finally owned up to having a wall and “defenses” in place, I will not give up so easily. Everything is a joke to him. That’s how he deals and writes it off. “It” being anything real.
Luckily, he has me. He’s 27 years old in January and he can’t keep behaving in such a way. I will not have a dear friend of mine treat me with such sarcasm and at times, sheer coldness. Don’t get me wrong, he can be warm and fuzzy and he did hug me forever long at the terminal when I was leaving Ithaca (I think, from the bottom of his heart, he really appreciated me spending the time, money, and MONUMENTAL effort coming up to see him which was sweet) buuut this is not enough. I wish I could express what it is I want from him—nay, for him. I can call him anytime and talk about anything and trust me, I’ve done both… countless times but he keeps everything secret and hidden and bottled up inside.
I could talk about his stupid ass forever. As you all know, I don’t have many friends and there is a rhyme and reason for this. I want Carlos to know how much his friendship means to me and that he can depend on me, just as I depend on him. With that being said, my plan of action is to kill this sucker with kindness. Every major holiday he is up in Ithaca for the next three years he will be getting a care package andddd I will also be sending surprise packages, as well. I’m excited because I know he will love the attention and hopefully, after some time, he will realize that it’s okay if Lina knows him a little bit better.
I have a knack for making friends who have up walls. I tell them they’re like a sheet of rock or plaster or whatever and I have a little bitty pick and hammer and I’m just chipping away until I can see them. It’s not easy but inside each and everyone of my friends is something thrilling, I just know it. I think Carlos and I will be friends for a really really really long time and that just makes my heart really happy.
PSS. I think he might freak if he knew about this—especially, all these damn words.
it really pisses me off when people take shit off my desk. first, it was my brand new sharpie clicky pen and then my fking pink post-it notes. stop. taking. shit. off. my. desk. dammit. argh. grrrr. RAWRRRR!
During the few perfect autumn days in Austin, I always wish for NCAA Baseball which is weird since baseball is a spring sport. Regardless, I want Texas Baseball right. fking. nowww. The damn Alumni Game is not till fking January.
OH SHIT. You will not believe this. There is a fall exhibition game this Sunday, Nov 1st at noon vs Texas State BUUUUUUT I’m going to be in Houston for Vivien’s bday/Halloween and after Saturday night I really doubt I will make it back to Austin in time. WTF!?!?! Fate is an asshole. Looks like I’ll just have to wait for January.
Dar sold our Brand New tix for $50. I’m a little in awe that the show is sold out. I did purchase tix for the show beforeDaisy came out so I guess that makes a little more sense. They do have a cult-ish following and while I am a loyal BN fan, I’m not disappointed in the least about missing this show. Daisy is an epic fail to me. It’s just noise and screaming. Damn, Jesse, damn you.
It’s all good. Because I don’t have to babysit tomorrow afternoon, I’m making a trip to SA to hang with Heather (and pick up one of her many Halloween costumes since I don’t have one yet) and she’s taking me to her dance studio that night because she’s teaching beginner hip-hop so that will be a lot of fun.
I don’t like Wednesdays but tomorrow seems promising. I’ll probably stay the night and just drive back to Austin in the AM. Hopefully, we make it out of bed by 9am unlike last time. You know that’s what happens when BFFs reunite, though.
“Some people care too much, I think it’s called love.”—
Winnie the Pooh
Zach told me the same thing. And he told me that he thought it was okay that I care/love. And that caring is not creepy (like the Shins song) but that it’s just different and surprising when you let people know right away. Most people are not secure or honest or ballsy enough to feel out loud.
It makes me feel better that a boy gets me. But Zach is the kind of person who is really honest about himself. He’s the first guy I know to admit that he’s a little weird and a little crazy and is okay with everyone being a little weird and a little crazy. Welp, me too Zach, me too. I’m def a little weird and a little crazy and “a little” is definitely relative.
Fking Mondays; buuuut, there are a few of silver linings:
[one] I don’t have to go into the office till later today on account of the harsh rain and flooding in Westlake which means I can:
watch some One Tree Hill episodes saved on my DVR
work on the flyers for City Girls since I neglected them this weekend
[two] Sam and I will be working on her English paper tonight
and I love Sam
and I love English (she told me that out of all the papers her prof read—he read nearly 300 papers; he’s one of those dedicated professors—that her paper had the strongest ideas—which were mostly my ideas, which made me feel super duper mega ultra awesome; btw, we’re working on some Hemingway)